Over the past 2 weeks, my depression has gotten worse, then better, then worse, but mostly worse.  My body refuses to wake up properly and my muscles ache.  I have been trying to do at least some yoga every day, but between the lack of motivation and the physical malaise, it has been difficult.  I have been able to go for walks though.  It takes a bit of pushing myself, but I always feel better and like I have accomplished something if I take a walk.

So I reached out into the aether for help.  I made a meditation request of Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa of Golden Bridge Yoga.  I didn't know what would happen, but after I sent off the request by email, I found myself anticipating it.  I would feel awful and so I would check my email to see if she had responded.  I could always just comfort myself that all I had to do was wait, that help was on the way.

Yesterday, it arrived.  I am supposed to do the same meditation every day for 40 days.  (Yes, 40 days is a long time for something to hold my attention.)  I was excited but I also found myself full of a sort of trepidation.  The guru had done her part, now it was my turn.  I waited until today to start.  I set myself some rules:

1. You cannot get angry with yourself if you have to start over.  Just start over and try again.

2. Try to meditate in the morning, but remember that the important thing is that you do meditate, not when.

3. Write about it.  You'll hardly process it if you don't.

So today I started a process.  Something that I hope will hold me during the holiday season.  I hope that it will help me to come out of the darkness of winter more whole and healthy than I find myself going in.